I was talking with a good friend once about how frustrating it is to be book smart but semi-idiotic and do things like use hand soap in the dish washer. My mom always tells me she's amazed I've made it this far in life with all of my "incidents" and accidents, and I have to agree. I have done a lot of blatantly stupid things. Don't ever joke around about having a criminal record during a job interview.
Anyways, after talking about something stupid that she or I had recently done, she offered up this pearl of wisdom: "If I were just four percent smarter, my life would be totally different." So there you go, folks. A four percent increase in brainpower and smarts is all it takes to change a life.
However, looking back on 2008 I feel that I was perhaps up to 26% stupider, particularly in my choices of male company. I also made some poor decisions about experimenting with herbal home remedies that came from packages written in languages I don't speak. Here's a hint - do the web research or have some who understands Spanish translate the directions before you O.D on something referred to as "nature's valium."
But this year will be different. I'm making resolutions and "smarter, not harder" is the theme of 2009.
1. Never go into an Ecuadorian bath house, and if you do, keep your clothes on and your mouth closed
2. When going to the bathroom outside, always pee downhill
3. When going to the bathroom inside, always make sure your belt or any ribbons you might have hanging from your outfit are not in the toilet
4. Don't microwave bike shorts
5. Always remember to take a map or an i Phone when going into the wilderness
6. Don't date men who are currently in relationships
7. Don't date men that have been in the armed forces or tell you how much they enjoyed killing people
8. E.D. is a laughing matter - except to someone's face. Just call it a night at that point.
9. Don't expect to meet quality people at dive bars.
10. Do buy a ticket to Belize ASAP when your friend tells you she's found a great deal
And by the way, I would like to thank Katinka for her hilarious text messages the other night during the ten bottle of wine-break up binge. Laughter always heals. :)