Thursday, June 18, 2009

Nut up, kid!

You know you're in for an all-nighter when someone plunks down a pill called an "Endurolyte" in front of you and says to take it now. Better than Viagra?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Red Alert

The last couple of guys I've dated have all referred to my hair color as "reddish." Not only due I have to contend with being a closet ginger, but I also might be a closet fire crotch.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Long overdue.

So...the Amicable Ex came to visit. First time since...November. I'm still surprised by his surprise that his pictures aren't up anymore-
Sometimes I feel like I am that girl that is the blantantly obvious fuckwith. What is she still doing seeing this guy that she knows is going nowhere? You read about her and breathe a sigh of relief that you are not as dumb as she is and hung up on a non-commitment guy.
On the other hand, a triple orgasm seems to make up for it.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Dog Training

Have you ever heard of the book, "How to walk a dog"? I am newly convicted of the theory it presents. A man is like a dog. Equally trainable and reacts similarly. Most prominently, treat it like a dog and it will respond with increased attraction and affection. The last 3 guys I have somewhat dated have bored me and I have spent more time ignoring them than adoring them...and they are all about me. The less I call...the more they do. The minute I start responding, they are no longer interested.
For example, I ran into a guy last week and had an intense few days. I quickly realized there was no zing and after hearing his educational history (he never heard mine, I was the only one who thought to ask a question other than, "want a beer?"), realized he may be a loser. So I cut contact and all of a sudden: BANG! Nonstop texts,'s been five days. Today was finally, "I feel like you owe me an explanation. I don't understand what I did wrong. I feel like we really could have had fun together." Ummm....I don't owe you anything- we hung out TWICE. Now, if I could only be so nonchalant about guys I actually care about.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

This Never Happens in the Movies

You know when you're making out with someone, and they start to take off your clothes? Well, that's pretty hot - until your pants get stuck on your fat calves and have to be tugged off and almost nail your partner in the face.

Monday, May 25, 2009

le Divorce

Divorced men seem to love me. Perhaps our mutual lack of commitments to our previous partners will make for one complete relationship? Hm.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Hello, BJ!

That was a text I got the other day. Apparently, when someone does you a favor and you say "thank you, what do I owe you," that is the response. Since when did people start giving BJs away like candy at Halloween?