Monday, May 25, 2009
le Divorce
Divorced men seem to love me. Perhaps our mutual lack of commitments to our previous partners will make for one complete relationship? Hm.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Hello, BJ!
That was a text I got the other day. Apparently, when someone does you a favor and you say "thank you, what do I owe you," that is the response. Since when did people start giving BJs away like candy at Halloween?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
1 am Blackout
So, it's never a good sign when you find random texts on your phone from the night before from a number you don't recognize. Especially when you ask who it is and the reply is "the guy you made out with last night." You're kidding, right? How do I manage to remember the beginning and the end of the evening with complete clarity but blackout for the 1 am makeout session? It doesn't help when your girlfriends are equally confused as to what led the chain of events to occur....I just wish someone would tell me if he was hot or not.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
*sigh*
Got carded at a wedding. I was the only person the bartender wanted to see ID from. I guess that means my Pam-skincare regime is working.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
FML
Not much here other than I had a date cancel on me via Twitter, and I got my douche bag neighbors evicted. The douche bag neighbors then promptly stole my laundry from the laundry room. Who steals cycling shorts??? GROSS.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Blind Dates
I feel as though the only reason I've resumed dating is to provide stories on this blog. I keep getting set up on blind dates by friends as if my cat didn't provide me with enough solace.
Blind Date #1-
I accidentally (again- I can't say no!) set up two dates on the same night. I went to happy hour with a girlfriend and then headed home, calling Date #1 to reschedule for tonight. I didn't hear from him, so I continued drinking wine alone, assuming that was my night. Only when he called back around 8 is when I realized I might actually be fairly intoxicated. So, of course- that makes an excellent setting for a first date. He doubles my pain by taking me to a karaoke bar and getting me even more plastered. When I drink, ketchup sounds delicious. So I demand he buys me fries so I can consume my favorite condiment. Now, a warning on how I eat ketchup- the Amicable Ex is quoted as saying, "Good thing I already like you, because watching you eat ketchup is extremely unattractive." My own mother won't allow me to eat ketchup if we dine out together. So, you can imagine my surprise when I embarass myself and then he ends up making out with me IN THE BAR. Classy. Oh, and it gets better- we karaoke to "Summer Lovin'" and it wasn't even my idea. And I thought I was an amazing singer that night. I can't believe he actually called the next day.
Blind Date #2-
So, I am excited (to say the least) to go out with a 35 pediatrician that I was set up with by a colleague, who kept emphasizing his "handsomeness." I should learn that middle aged married women have a different definition of handsome. I get to the restaraunt before him and take two steps before I slip in my heels and a waiter galiantly catches me. Great start- they've cut me off before I begin. So, I proceed through an awkward date with a man who could pass for cute, but has terrible teeth. Terrible British teeth without the excuse of being British. They are all I can stare at until I notice how attractive my waiter is. Then I noticed he winked at me...three times. Uhhh? A couple glasses of Chardonnay and I realized he was the waiter who saved me from my fall earlier and he is HOT! As I leave the date with the 100,000 a year man, I leave a note on my napkin for the 25,000 a year man. And he's been calling! Sometimes being a hoe ain't that bad.
Blind Date #1-
I accidentally (again- I can't say no!) set up two dates on the same night. I went to happy hour with a girlfriend and then headed home, calling Date #1 to reschedule for tonight. I didn't hear from him, so I continued drinking wine alone, assuming that was my night. Only when he called back around 8 is when I realized I might actually be fairly intoxicated. So, of course- that makes an excellent setting for a first date. He doubles my pain by taking me to a karaoke bar and getting me even more plastered. When I drink, ketchup sounds delicious. So I demand he buys me fries so I can consume my favorite condiment. Now, a warning on how I eat ketchup- the Amicable Ex is quoted as saying, "Good thing I already like you, because watching you eat ketchup is extremely unattractive." My own mother won't allow me to eat ketchup if we dine out together. So, you can imagine my surprise when I embarass myself and then he ends up making out with me IN THE BAR. Classy. Oh, and it gets better- we karaoke to "Summer Lovin'" and it wasn't even my idea. And I thought I was an amazing singer that night. I can't believe he actually called the next day.
Blind Date #2-
So, I am excited (to say the least) to go out with a 35 pediatrician that I was set up with by a colleague, who kept emphasizing his "handsomeness." I should learn that middle aged married women have a different definition of handsome. I get to the restaraunt before him and take two steps before I slip in my heels and a waiter galiantly catches me. Great start- they've cut me off before I begin. So, I proceed through an awkward date with a man who could pass for cute, but has terrible teeth. Terrible British teeth without the excuse of being British. They are all I can stare at until I notice how attractive my waiter is. Then I noticed he winked at me...three times. Uhhh? A couple glasses of Chardonnay and I realized he was the waiter who saved me from my fall earlier and he is HOT! As I leave the date with the 100,000 a year man, I leave a note on my napkin for the 25,000 a year man. And he's been calling! Sometimes being a hoe ain't that bad.
Friday, April 17, 2009
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